Getting the Not-so-verbal Person Talking

We have no magic potion to transform a quiet partner into an outgoing, warmhearted talk machine. But there are a few techniques to which a cooperative partner may respond.

Skillful Questioning

Questions can either open the door for discussion or slam it, depending on the type of question asked and how it is asked. Golden opportunities to communicate are frequently lost because we do not know how to ask questions skillfully.

Why questions are accusatory. Only use why questions when specific information is needed, not when attempting to get a less-verbal person to open up. Instead, try what questions.

Direct Questioning

Asking direct questions about specific topics may also help by making it easier for a less-verbal person to open up. Rather than saying, “What happened at work today?” and hearing, “The same old rat race,” try, “Teel me bout the most interesting thing that happened at work this week.” Rather than, “you never tell me anything about your childhood.”  Try, “I’d be interested in hearing something about your childhood. Tell me about the most fun birthday you can remember.” Rather than, “You never tell me how you feel about your work,” try, “I know very little about your job. I’d like to hear what you enjoy most about your work.”

Specific requests for information relive the pressure on a less-communicative person to formulate original replies. Some questions are easier than others. Begin with the easy ones and move on to the more difficult ones.

Sentence Starters

A person can be helped to express feelings more adeptly through sentence starters. If you sense something is bothering your partner and he or she is having difficulty talking about it, you could help your partner express himself or herself through the following examples:

-         Something hat is bothering me right now that I’m having difficulty talking about is…

-         Something that really makes me angry is…

-         I really get upset when you…

It doesn’t matter whatever your partner’s responses to these sentence starters make sense, contradict one another, or are invalid from your point of view. The point is to get your partner talking, not to evaluate the rightness or wrongness of the response.

Once your partner has gone this far, his or her thoughts and feelings can be expanded by continuing to respond to such open-ended statements as these:

-         By telling you these I have become aware that…

-         Talking about this makes me wonder if…

-         Sharing this with you makes it obvious that…

Now it is your turn to respond. Open-ended sharing isn’t complete until you respond with empathy to what has been said:

-         Through listening to you I have heard you say that…

-          I heard you say today that one thing you would like from me is…

-         Through listening to your right now it has become obvious to me that…

Open-ended sharing will break down in a hurry when acceptance is missing. If a woman should get her husband talking about his job and he says, “It is dead-end street and I’m going to quit,” and she screams, “You can’t! What about me and the kids?” We’ll starve and lose the house,” he’ll probably never open up again. You don’t have to agree with a partner’s feeling but you can accept how he is feeling today.

Provide Encouragement

Once your partner has opened up and shared with you, let him know how much it means for you to share a part of his world. Even if it wasn’t the intensity of intimacy you dreamed of, encouragement will pave the way for more sharing and spur his willingness to loosen up in the future. You might also ask if there is anything you can do to make sharing easier for him. Give your partner a hug, a pat on the hand, or a kiss, and thank him for sharing. This provides an incentive to share again.

Flood covers some part of Philippines due to storm Ondoy

September 26, 2009, storm Ondoy strikes Philippine. Rain keeps on falling for almost 2 days that causes flood in Manila and the nearby towns. 53 dead are reported as of today and 24 missing persons.

Most people were trapped at the roof of their houses because the flood flows on the second floor of most houses particularly in Marikina City. Some who tried to escape swept away by the flood. Some stayed for 12-15 hours at their roof. Most of them were cold and hungry. Rescuers weren’t able to rescue them earlier due to the current flow of the water.

Many people have been devastated, with houses destroyed, vans and cars overturned and streets left awash with debris and mud. The buildings were smashed against the pillars of a bridge, and it was unclear whether the people were rescued.

Today, still there are many residents remained on rooftops as rescuers waded in muddy floodwaters. The water is muddy and thick that the rescuers had to push their rubber boats in neck-deep flood waters. The water is taking a long time to go down.

Most roads in Metro Manila are still impassable because of the flood and mud. Classes for tomorrow are suspended until Tuesday. Most establishments were closed. The authorities declared

42 years ago (since 1967)… the same tragedy happened but this one is worst than before. This unexpected floodwater quickly overflows the most part of Marikina, Quezon City, Rizal, etc. that gave a hard time for the rescuers to rescue the victims. Most victims turn to media for quick help. Hundreds of texts, emails, phone calls were receive by media. It’s a good thing that mobile phones were born.

People who were fortunate enough to be in safer areas sent a inundation of reports and texts to media networks and disaster agencies of stranded people requiring abrupt rescue operations. People offered food to each other, sharing whatever little they had. People living in higher areas opened their doors to flooded neighbors, giving up their space and privacy in the meantime in the middle of a disaster. Some offered their roofs as temporary shelter as flood swallowed up entire houses.

In some part of the Philippines that are not affected (like my hometown), all we can offer is a prayer for them. But aside from prayers… we can also share some used clothes, blankets and foods.

Healthy Words

“Personal communication through letters and cards stimulates better all around health in the receiver.”

Why do we place so much importance in receiving mail? Unlike so much of mass communication today, it is personal, like two people meeting. Also, there is its uniqueness. Another individual has crafted words just for you. To you as the receiver it is reader-friendly: you can read it anytime you choose and as often as you want.

There is also considerable importance for the sender as well. A handwritten note is a sure means of saying personally, “I’m thinking of you.” Your written words are an expression of your thoughts and display your unique personality. And it is sender-friendly, allowing you to communicate when you’re ready.

Current research is revealing what we letter likers have known all along personal communication through letters and cards stimulates better all-around health in the receiver.

With a little practice and determination you’ll do a fabulous job. Here are a few pointers to follow:

• Carry stamped pre-addressed postcards or stationery in your pocket or purse.
• Obtain picture postcards you feel others will enjoy.
• Write messages for a spouse or friend while waiting in traffic, at a bank drive-up window, or white at a doctor’s or dentist’s office and while riding a bus, train, or plane,
• Make your own cards by using stickers, rubber stamps, and color marking pens. Paste clipped magazine pictures, cartoons, printed jokes, proverbs, quotes, or colorful cloth to the backside.
• Express your thanks for the recipient, what they’ve done, and why they’re important to you and others.
• Personalize envelops by enclosing small items such as a flower, packet of sugar, leaf, matchbook cover, or photograph.
• Show appreciation for your relationship as a friend or loved one.
• Suggest something they can anticipate, such as the two of you going out to lunch or to an event.
• Include an appropriate Bible verse.
• Tell what you’re been doing.
• Explain the process of plans coming together.
• Share a new bit of information of mutual interest.
• Enclosing a self-addressed stamped card for the recipient to respond.
• Sending a strip of stamps for then to use on their envelops.

Do you worry about whether what you’re sending is appreciated or accomplishing what you hope? The real test is to send to others what you would like to have them send to you. that way both you and the receiver will be mutually encouraged.

Ways you can make a difference

Worried about the environment? Here are what one person can do:

1. Save papers for recycling. One ton of recycled paper saves 17 trees.
2. Plant trees, shrubbery, and flowers. They prevent soil erosion, provide cooling in summer, windbreakers and beautify the land.
3. Use litter bags. If you don’t have one in you car, save the next strong plastic bag you get when you purchase something from a store.
4. Donate magazines and paperbacks to hospitals and nursing homes.
5. Build birdhouses and bat houses. Birds and bats will gladly dine on the insects in your garden.
6. Use a kitchen towel to dry your hands instead of always reaching for a paper towel.
7. Say “No bag, thanks” when you buy only one item at the store.
8. Line dresser drawers with newspapers.
9. When you see bugs in your plants, pick them off by hand instead of reaching for a chemical insecticide. If there are too many, try filling a squirt bottle with soapy water and spraying them.

10.  Put houseplants in every room. They freshen the air and raise the level of humidity.

11.  Instead of a room deodorant spray, try this. Boil a teaspoon of whole cloves and a stick of cinnamon in a print of water for 10 minutes.

12.  Take an inventory of electrical gadgets in your home. Do you really need an electric pencil sharpener?

13.  Leave the car in the garage for short trips and take a walk instead. You’ll get the benefits of fresh air, sunshine, and exercise.

14.  For the times when you do take the car, try to plan several errands to accomplish in one trip. Buy groceries, take books back to the library, stop at the cleaners, etc.

15.  Use 4-55 air conditioning in your car.

16.  Pass up colored tissue and paper towels. Even though the paper is biodegradable, the dyes are pollutants.

17.  Plant sweet basil near front and back doors to discourage flies. And in the garden, plant sage, marigolds, and mint to make insects feel unwelcome.

18.  Take outgrown clothing to thrift shops, church collection boxes, etc.

19.  Reuse plastic tubs, they make great bathtub toys for kids, spill proof carriers for lunch boxes, and if they have see through tops, good containers for buttons, nails, screws, and rubber bands.

20.  Compact your garbage. Flatten cans and boxes. Put smaller ones inside larger ones.

21.  Pick up litter – not just your own – whenever you find it. Do your part to keep the world beautiful.

22.  Take five-minute showers.

23.  Buy eggs and milk in cardboard containers as a substitute of plastic.

24.  Whenever possible, use cold water for washing hands. It’s a wonderful world. Let’s preserve it for ourselves and our posterity.

Is this really Love?

That the Christian home is under attack is common knowledge. The effect of the cancer which has been weakening families and marriages for years is clearly seen in terminally broken relationships and human beings.

Many causes for this familial breakdown in our society can be mentioned, but this article focuses on the basic weakness of the foundation – erroneous thoughts, attitudes, and actions,. Subtle and not-so-subtle messages of advertisements, music, literature, media, education, friends, and associates bombard us – telling and showing us misconceptions about love and marriage. Many of us listen and conform to what we hear. Let’s review what these communication channels teach about love and marriage.

Love is a feeling when the feeling’s gone, so is love. Such expression as “I don’t love you anymore because I don’t feel attracted to you any more” reveal that distorted view of love. True love, however, is a commitment. It isn’t defined by the emotional highs and lows, but by a decision to love, and that choice is sustained by an uncompromising will.

Love is conditional, reflected in the attitude, “I will love you if you meet my needs.” Real love, in contrast to popular notions, doesn’t highlight the one experiencing the feeling of romantic excitement, instead, it expresses deep appreciation for another human being – an intense awareness of his/her needs and longings. It is unselfish, giving and caring. Conditional love, which continues the relationship only as long as it is to my advantage, vaporizes sooner or later.

Love can occur at first sight. Perhaps you’ll disagree with me with love at first sight is a physical and emotional impossibility. Yes, there are emotions unleashed at first sight, but these don’t constitute love.

Love isn’t simply a feeling of romantic excitement. It goes beyond intense sexual attraction. One has got to know the person before he can appreciate the nuances of her personality. One cannot love an unknown somebody. The temporary feelings at first sight may be called falling in love with love, not with a person. Committed love grows like a plant, and that process takes time.

Marriage can be temporary. “If I am unhappy, I can always get out of it through divorce,” the biblical view of marriage is permanent. It is a covenant, not just a contract, between the married couple and God.

Marrying the wrong person is better than remaining single and lonely throughout life. This statement echoes those who want to get married for marriage sake. Generally speaking, it is easier to remedy the loneliness than to endure a wrong relationship for a lifetime. The threat of being “an old maid” is scary, so some girls grab the last trip out of matrimony. Too often, the trip is a one-way ticket to disaster.

What Can You Do when You Feel Angry?

Here are some practical suggestions for turning angry feelings in useful energy.

1. Acknowledge your anger

One of the unhealthy responses to feelings of anger is to pretend they do not exist. If you do now allow your mind to acknowledge angry feelings, your body will have to bear the brunt. If you feel your stomach being tied in knots, your fists clenching, your heart pounding, admit to yourself that something important is happening. Say to yourself: “yes, I’m irritated; I’m upset: I’m really angry.”

2. Uncover the cause of your anger

What triggered your feelings? Sometimes the answer seems obvious: the driver in the car behind you blew the horn, a colleague at work told a lie about you, your son failed to do his homework. Be as specific as possible in naming the event that sent your blood pressure soaring.

Sometimes you may have to dig to find the cause of your anger. You come away from a conversation or a meeting feeling upset, but why? Ask yourself. What was said or done that made me angry? Who am i angry with – a particular person, an institution, myself, God?

3. Explore how you feel about your anger

Take an honest look at how you feel about becoming angry. Are you afraid of what your anger will lead to? Do you feel embarrassed, guilty, ashamed? Or can you say, “I feel okay about my anger”?

4. Confide in someone you trust

Find a person who can help you deal with your anger. It may be a friend, a colleague, or a relative who can be objective about the situation and who isn’t afraid to be honest with you. Avoid confiding in someone who will always take your side. In some situations,  a professional counselor is the best choice.

5. Do something productive with your anger

Among the options: Praying to let go of your anger… Sometimes you can best handle anger by simply releasing it to God.

Speaking to the person who has made you angry… Use first – person pronouns: “I’m Upset…” “I’m angry…” “I’m confused…” rather than “You had no right to….” “You deliberately…” “You always make me angry when you….” Try to find a way you can resolve the conflict.

Putting your anger to productive use – If you are upset about a problem in your community, join an  organization that works at a solution. If a family situation sparks your anger, make an appointment with a family counselor. Anger can provide you with the energy to bring about needed change.

Thank you & Farewell Pres. Cory Aquino

The whole nation

is mourning having

lost a dedicated mother.

Now, we all have

left is a wicked stepmother!

CORY AQUINO’s death once again reunites Filipino people

Cory’s death was the saddest moment for the Filipino people. Everyone is in grave for losing a mother, a teacher, an adviser, a confidant and a leader. The former president Cory Aquino touches many Filipino lives. Cory was a very low profile person. She was just a simple housewife who used to be a supporter of her husband Ninoy. She was just Ninoy’s wife who turned out to be a President of the Philippines. Cory was a strong woman, a loving wife, a caring mother, a loving, caring and thoughtful friend.

Cory’s death once again reunites Filipino people. Reunites different colors in politics, reunites enemies. During the procession of Cory’s body from La Salle to Manila Cathedral, many people gathered in every place where the body of Cory and the convoy passes by. Everyone is shouting “WE LOVE YOU CORY”. Everyone is waving their yellow flags and ribbons, waving their hands with the L (Laban) sign.

It was just like the burial of her husband Ninoy, like the people power in 1986. Different people gathered everywhere.  Priests, Nuns, Soldiers, Youth and Old… name it they were there. Just like now on Cory’s death, people are giving their respect to the former president, their sympathies to the family of Cory, their gratitude to the family for sharing Cory to the Filipino people. Everyone is showing their love and respect to the former president.

To Madam Cory Aquino…. I admired you for being a strong person, for your courage and for touching so many lives.

I salute you…. PRESIDENT CORY AQUINO!

Thank you and goodbye!

Ah, High Technology!

We are in the age of high technology.  Just look for instance, at the area of communications. In the companies where most people work, they can make phone connections to major urban centers in the country via direct dialing. Overseas calls are even easier to make. And to think that several are based down south of the archipelago, in a faraway place, which not many of us could readily locate in the map.

At home, we get to view television programs. From our living room, I can enjoy movies as well as know the latest international news. Just by pressing button.

Thanks to technology!

We read about what experts call the age of global village. This has become possible because people can now communicate easily using, among others, fax machines and voice mails. The world at your finger tips, as one telecommunications company ad would say. Television and other electronic media, influential as ever, continue to showcase other people’s culture. Communications giants like FOX and CNN have been bringing the news to the world as they unfold. A communications wonder indeed!

With the advancement in communications comes the advancement of computers. We marvel at how these pieces of wonder equipment operate. They used to be only just another office equipment, but are now being utilized in advanced scientific researches, complex industrial operations and hold your breath, as controls of highly destructive military armaments! Computers have become so advanced that they are actually doing jobs used to be done by human hands. I am not surprised to know that some companies have retrenched workers because of automation. The irony is, man has struggled so hard to computerize only to find himself displaced by his own invention. Computers have in fact gone so far as correcting grammar.

Sure enough, technological progress has contributed to the convenience man is currently enjoying. From basic household chores like cooking, to entertainment, to highly advanced scientific breakthroughs, computers have gained a foothold.

Microwave ovens, cellular phones, remote-controlled appliances, laser discs, compact discs, – these are but a few examples of the wonders of this age.

And yet…

Yet, despite each new technological innovation and breakthrough, the world seems unable to cope with some basic problems.

Hunger and poverty continue to stalk us. Civil and tribal wars seem to be eternal. Environmental destruction continues. Another man or woman or child is diagnosed to be HIV-infected.

Alas, high technology has found answers to once-bewildering scientific phenomena, has stumbled upon clues which eventually unlocked scientific mysteries. Yet, despite all these, it has never taught man to be less greedy, more compassionate and reasonable, environment-friendly, less permissive and more judicious.

High technology… it has brought as where?

Ten Commandments on When to Keep Silent

1.  Keep silent as you enter church, so God can speak to you.

2.  Keep silent as you leave church, so the Holy Spirit can impress upon your memory the things you have heard.

3. Keep silent unless you have something to say worth saying.

4. Keep silent until it is your turn to talk.

5. Keep silent when you are tempted to criticize.

6. Keep silent when you have said enough.

7. Keep silent when you are tempted to gossip.

8. Keep silent when you are provoked

9. Keep silent when you are tempted to be irritable.

10.Keep silent long enough to think before you speak.